Say what you need to say...

I'm sitting here in sweat soaked clothes after returning from a lovely early morning run. I feel like I don't have much time for anything anymore, hence the reason for running early in the morning before Peter leaves for his day and the reason I sit here in sweaty clothes. I could go take a nice shower before the kids wake up and then sit curled up on the front porch with my morning java, listening to the sweet sounds of the birds chirping their morning hello (these birds replace the seriously annoying crows that wake me up every morning at 5:00 am). But instead I want to blog. It has been way too long and during my absence I have had so many inspirations to write; mainly my words of advice to the graduating (now graduated ) class of 2008.

Before I jump into my faux commencement address, let me tell you how weird it is for me to write "the class of 2008". I graduated with the class of 1993 which I'm pretty sure was just a couple of years ago. Upon further inspection (and addition) I realize that this spring marked 15 years that I have been out of high school. This is remarkable to me, in a punch in the gut sort of way. Not because I feel discontent with the way my life has gone in those 15 years but rather disbelief that it has gone so fast!

At the end of May I was listening to a local talk radio program that was taking calls from listeners who had advice for graduating seniors. I started to think 'what would I say if I were to give a commencement address?' This is something fun to think about because in reality, not many of us will ever get asked to deliver these parting words to the future of America. But I really thought about it and realized that I have legitimate advice to offer these fine folks and while my words may not necessarily land them some great job, they may at least lay a foundation on which to live their adult life.

1. Make good choices: If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. I know I have written about this before and how I tell my kids this every day, but come on, it's common sense. Make good choices. Think before you speak. Take pause before you act. It's something we all learn as children and if more of us practiced it, I can only imagine what kind of world we would live in.

2. Take risks but be accountable: I'm not saying go bungee jumping. I'm saying don't be afraid to take a chance. Don't always play it safe. Life is short and for some people, their best moves in life were made while taking a chance. But in the end, if that risk turns out to be a bad move, remember it was you who chose to do it. No one made you. Accountability is key. Be responsible for your own actions.

3. Be Truthful: To yourself and to others. Liars must live an exhausting life trying to remember who they have said what to. Keep your story straight. It should always stay the same, regardless of who you are telling it to. Tell the truth. If you don't, the only one you are really lying to is yourself.

4. Know who you are: Don't let others define you. Decide who you want to be and be that person. It's not brain surgery people. You should not have to change who you are depending on who you are spending time with. You should be the same person with your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. Be real, be you.

5. Make yourself proud: One of my personality flaws is worrying about disappointing others. Some people would not see that as a flaw but when the fear of letting others down interferes with doing what is right for you and yours, it becomes a flaw. I have worked on that thru the years and I'm getting better at saying no but it's not easy. I'm a pleaser and I want to make others happy because somehow in my crazy brain that equates to making them proud of me. But what I have learned is that it's far more important to make myself proud. I'm the one who needs to be happy with the decisions I am making and if someone else thinks those decisions are good too, well that's just the icing on the cake.

6. Don't settle: This is a tricky one because it's not clear cut. Everyone's idea of settling will be different. Don't settle for the wrong person to marry. Don't settle for the wrong job. Don't buy the first house you can afford. Don't run around with the wrong group of friends just because you've known them forever and it's comfortable. Don't settle. Let's go back to not settling for the wrong job. This doesn't mean sit around without a job just because you can't find the perfect one. This means it's ok to take a job that maybe you don't love but it's fine in the interim because it does pay the bills. Just don't settle into that job as though it's your lifelong career. Keep looking for that "perfect job" but be employed while you're doing it.

7. Trying to is lying to: This is one of my favorites and I just heard it within the last year. Again, maybe a little clear cut for some of you but the gist is this: Don't say you're "trying to". You either do or you don't. You're only lying to yourself if you continually say "I'm trying to". Make it happen.

8. Say what you need to say: In the words of my new friend John Mayer, "Say what you need to say". John and I are just recently becoming friends, he's a friend of a friend actually and said friend is probably grinning from ear to ear right now at the John reference. My favorite line in this song is:

Walkin' like a one man army
Fightin' with the shadows in your head
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead
if you could only...Say what you need to say

Sigh. So easily said. It makes perfect sense that it should be that easy but, wow, it's tough. It's hard for me to offer this advice because it's still something I am working on. It's a classic case of practice what you preach. There are some people in my life that I have no problem with saying what I need to say. But there are others that I just clam right up and cannot do it. Mostly because I know what the reaction will be and in the end nothing is accomplished and I'm just as frustrated as I was going into it. So, I guess rather than advice, this is a challenge for a new generation to learn to say what needs to be said. When you figure out the perfect equation to make it happen, let me know. I'm an old dog at this point and from what I'm told, even old dogs can learn new tricks.

Peace out!

Happy Birthday Macker

Last night before we went to bed I looked at Peter and said "Six years ago right now I was getting ready to push". And push and push I did until finally the doctor suggested a C-section. I was delirious with pain, exhaustion and fear and at that point would have happily had my legs chopped off if it meant that it would all be over and my baby would be ok. And then there he was, this goofy looking newborn with the biggest cheeks..no make that Jowls..that you can imagine on a newborn. He would become one of the most beautiful boys I have ever laid eyes on and for sure the sweetest thing to ever steal my heart. Those 21 hours of labor and pushing were the most difficult hours in this child's life so far. Since then he has been an easy going constant source of enjoyment.

Last night at dinner when I suggested that he take the bus to school today now that he was a big 6 year old he scoffed at that idea. He said when he's in first grade. The kid has ridden the bus home from school every day this year but has no interest in riding it to school. Something about it being too noisy. He asked if I could rent him a private bus to take him to school for his birthday. I laughed and said "What, like a car service or something?" and he said quite seriously "Yeah..like a limousine!". Peter and I cracked up. How does he even know about private buses and limousines?

This birthday is going to be a crazy one. He is at school today and then will come home and have to rush off to a T Ball game tonight followed by a birthday dinner with gigi and Papa. We are having a little after school play date tomorrow with his buddies from the neighborhood. His real birthday party is a small gathering of a few boys from his class at a miniature golf course this Saturday followed by pizza and cake. He took spider man cupcakes to school today to share with his classmates. I felt a little badly that I did not make cupcakes for him to take to school but then I remembered that he doesn't care where the cupcakes came from as long as he has some. As parents we expect so much more of ourselves than our children expect of us. And we forget that the little things are what matters to them. This morning I made birthday pancakes for breakfast and served his on our "Today is your day, celebrate" plate that only gets pulled out for special occasions. I stuck a candle in the middle of his pancake and sang happy birthday to him. I knew he liked it but it wasn't until my friend, who drove him to school this morning (the closest I could come to a private bus) told me that he talked about the pancakes with the candle and his mom singing happy birthday to him the whole way up to school that I realized how much this simple gesture on my part made an impact on his morning. It made my day to know I had made his.

Six seems so old to me. Five still felt like a "little" boy. He still wore clothes that were 5T which to me meant he was still a toddler of sorts. Six is big. Six is riding a bike on 2 wheels instead of 4. Six is asking if he can have friends over to play. Six is swinging from monkey bars with little effort and climbing trees with no fear of what's below should he fall. Six is being able to read and write and suddenly being fascinated with calculators and math. Six is sometimes using a different tone than what I am used to hearing come out of his sweet little mouth which is a very abrupt reminder that seven, eight, nine and so forth will come quicker than I would like. It's so cliche to hear over and over again about how fast the time goes and before you know it they're all grown up. It's so true! I remember when he needed me to lay with him at night when he first switched to a big boy bed. I remember by the eight month of my pregnancy with Pierson, when I could barely haul myself over him and the little railing on his bed in order to get out once he finally fell asleep. I complained to Peter "when will this stop?". Peter told me then to enjoy it because he was not always going to want me to lay down with him. It was hard to see the sun through the haze back then but it's true. Now, when he wants me to sing him a song or rub his back, I'm there because I really want to be and not because it's something he needs from me.

I love this little birthday boy with all my heart and I am so, so lucky that it was this perfect little specimen of boy that God decided to give to this girly girl to make her a mama.

Happy birthday buddy!

Here are a couple photos from the big day!