Taking care of me

The beautiful landscape of Rancho La Puerta

"Taking Care of yourself is your right and your responsibility. If a mother values herself, her children value her. She teaches self-esteem by her example. Her peaceful demeanor communicates love to all who come in contact with her. Knowing when to nurture the self comes with daily mindfulness. Pay attention to your body's signals. Observing your feelings each day, eventually you will be able to take time for yourself before it becomes an angry demand. This enables you to give of yourself appropriately, without resentment."

~The Tao of Motherhood - Vimala McClure

I first heard the above during yoga about a month ago. My wonderful instructor shares these inspirational readings during Shivasna. The timing was perfect as I was getting ready to leave for vacation, without my husband and children. I needed the reassurance that it was OK to take the time for me. The first sentence is my favorite as I was about to exercise my rights as a responsible mother.

I hate that it has taken me so long to share my experience at "The Ranch" with all of you. I arrived home to two very sweet little boys dressed in PJ's and holding "welcome home mama" signs. From that moment on was a whirlwind of playing hostess to Peter's parents and then celebrating my birthday with yet another getaway (I know..poor me!) with just Peter last Friday night. But alas, here I am and here we go!

My mom and I met at the San Diego airport on Friday April 11. We found our way to our hotel and then went out for "The Last Supper". The next day would begin a week of vegetarian fare so we opted for steak at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse in Sand Diego. Yum! The hotel we stayed at was a bit of a mess but we knew it was only for one night. Saturday morning we woke early to eat breakfast and then get ourselves back to the airport to meet the bus that would take us to our week in heaven, otherwise known as Rancho La Puerta.

Without giving you the complete play by play, I will tell you that at this little slice of heaven I spent one of the greatest weeks of my life. "The Ranch" was started by a Professor and his young wife 60 years ago. It has become a mecca for the health conscious and fitness enthusiasts. The Professor is long gone but his lovely bride still owns and make weekly visits to The Ranch where she speaks of the past, present and future of her dream. We missed her the week we were there because she is currently in the process of writing her Memoirs and spends a lot of time away at special writing retreats.

The Ranch is nestled in the mountains of Northern Mexico and is a short 90 minute drive south of San Diego.

The above picture shows Mount Kuchama. Legend has it that a Shaman with great healing powers lived on this mountain hundreds of years ago. The mountain has amazing spiritual powers that would have even the non believers believing. Let me put it to you this way, something moved me to get out of a very comfortable bed every morning at 6:00 am (except for 2 days) for a 3 mile hike. I would then follow that early morning hike with at least 3 and sometimes 4 hours of exercise classes. If that was not the work of some higher force then I don't know what is. All kidding aside, this place makes you feel good. You quickly become someone who wants to exercise and eat healthy; to BE healthy. The food was amazing! The diet is mostly vegetarian with the exception of fish which we were served on a few occasions. The vegetables (and there are plenty of them, so many in fact that a bottle of Beano is considered a condiment in the dining hall) come from an unbelievable organic garden that is part of the Ranch. Here is a picture of me and Fernando, the head gardener, in the garden.

We picked these strawberries for a dish we prepared as part of a cooking class we took at the Cocina de Canta, which is the Cooking School that is part of the Ranch.

When I arrived home everyone asked me "How was the spa? Are you so relaxed?". I was relaxed but it was not for reasons people assumed. When I told my friends that I was going to a fitness spa I think they heard "spa" and figured I would be lounging poolside with a cold adult beverage, being fanned by a cabana boy while getting a massage. While there were plenty of spoils to my week away it was the constant exercise and healthy diet that actually left me feeling energized and relaxed. It was the time spent with my mom, just the two of us that will leave an impression far more lasting than any massage.

I cried when I left my kids to go on this trip and I cried again when I had to leave my mom and the ranch behind. My week there was unlike anything I could ever properly describe and my experience was one that I hope everyone has the opportunity to have someday. You leave there refreshed, revived and with a whole new appreciation for who you are and who you want to be. I thank my mom so much for giving me the chance to find my "inner exercise demon" and realize that not only is it there but I actually kind of like it. I thank my mom for knowing that I am at a place in my life where not only would I appreciate the time away but I would grow from it and come home a better and happier mom, wife, person.

Gettin' outta Dodge aint no easy task

Despite the fact that I have three million and two things to do before I catch a VERY early flight out of Traverse City tomorrow morning I felt quite compelled to post. I don't have time to do a proper Friday Funnies so I'm going to touch on what's been funny along with what's not been so funny.

I may never leave town again. It's just too hard. And it's not just the guilt that I spoke of in an earlier post. There is a lot to do just to be able to leave for a few days or in my case nine. I'm trying to make my absence as easy as possible on my husband in the sense that I don't expect him to take an entire week off of work so I can go play. So there's the figuring out who will go where and with whom, when. It's a crazy little puzzle that I had finally figured out and had started to feel less anxious about. That is until American Airlines canceled my flight from Chicago to San Diego and I had to be re booked. A big thank you to Liz, the delightful customer relations representative, who was nice enough to find me another flight. The only problem, it leaves tomorrow morning at 6:55 am. This would not be such a big deal except that I had seriously crafted my perfect itinerary when originally booking with American Airlines and had arranged everyone else's day accordingly. So, it was as though Pierson had grabbed hold of my perfect little puzzle and in his words "wrecked" it. I put this on him because he is the puzzle master in our family and I think he has more fun taking it apart than putting it together. There's something quite destructive about that one. All boy.

So, speaking of Pierson, I was on hold with American Airline for a good 25 minutes waiting to speak to my good friend Liz to find out if I was going to be able to get on another flight. My dear little boy came into the kitchen and announced that he wanted to go outside. In my on hold whisper I said "Not now buddy. It's too chilly". He retorted, "I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW AND GO IN MY SANDBOX". More frantic sounding now, I said "Pierson, I need you to go into the other room and wait for me there because mommy is trying to make a very important phone call". He's mad now, "You not speak to me like like that" (glad he's hearing something I say to him). I point my finger toward the living room and say "Go, Pierson. Please go into the other room". Here's where it gets good, he says: "I want you to go away mommy!" to which I calmly reply "I am trying to go away Pierson. I am trying very, very hard to go away!". At this point reduced to his level, I continue: "Hopefully tomorrow mommy will be on an airplane flying very, very far away and you will not need to worry about the way I am speaking to you!". He looked at me and said something about not wanting me to go away and then Liz came on the line and saved us from any further conversation.

Another conversation worth noting was with my husband over dinner last night. It's amazing how one little thing spirals into many and before you know it you end up with something like this:

Me: Hey, I was thinking, If I perish on this trip you will be screwed because my blackberry will go down with me and all of our contacts are in it.
Peter: What? Why would I need your blackberry?
Me: Well..I assume you'd like to call people so they can come to my funeral. Not that there would be a body b/c if there's a plane crash you'd probably just have to have a memorial or something.
Peter: Not necessarily, they usually find body parts and return them to the families.
Me: Ok, well you can take my finger and bury it then. Hey, you'd save on a burial plot because you wouldn't need a full size coffin for just a finger.
Peter: Do you want to be buried in Michigan?
Me: Where else would I want to be buried. I don't want to be buried in Virginia! Actually, I don't know if I really want to be buried.
Peter: Well, that's something you should really probably communicate to me so I know what to do just in case.
Me: I just don't really think you need to come talk to a rock to be able to remember me. I would hope you find other ways to remember me.
Peter: I want at least a rock when I die, even if there's no body because I want to be worshipped.
Mack: Workshop! What workshop?
Me: Ooh..that would be a good thing for you to do with the boys while I'm gone. See if there are any Home Depot workshops going on.
Peter: Yeah, Tim said he and Ben made a flower box.

At that point, I was done. If for some reason I do perish on this trip, at least you will all have this final crazy conversation to remember me and my chaotic mind. Love to you all. My husband may "guest post" while I am gone so check back periodically for updates.
xoxo

It's about Everything

My dear friend Rebecca called me last week and before I could even get out Hello I could hear her chuckling. "What's so funny?" I asked. She said, "I just had a major Seinfeld moment". She proceeded to tell me how she just doesn't understand how a tissue, not even big enough to contain the snot from a good nose blow, can multiply into a million pieces in the washer and dryer. Something to ponder, I told her.

If you are reading this and can't relate to the above blip I kindly ask you to go frequent someone else's blog for a little while. You are always welcome to return if you wish but if you can't hang with the Seinfeld references then this is not the post for you. I make a Seinfeld reference daily..or at least several times per week. I have not yet today, unless you consider the story I recounted above. Yesterday it was the Soup Nazi when talking to a friend about the way she was treated at a local lunch spot. Last week it was George's co-workers calling him "Coco" when he went on a rampage and started swinging his arms around like an Ape. How many times have I said "Newman!" in that squinty eyed, Jerry-esque tone when something goes wrong. Seinfeld is everywhere and for a show that touted itself for being about nothing, it's everything.

I cannot properly describe how many times I have told my mom a funny story about the kids or how I handled something having to do with the kids and she regularly retorts "It's like a Seinfeld Episode!". It's so true! I feel like half the time I am living in a Seinfeld episode. How about the day my dog "died" and I told Mack that she was gone only to have her "come back to life" that afternoon. Or the time we went to visit Santa Clause and just before snapping the picture Santa decided to pop out his dentures and scare my son half to death! Yes, that's the same Santa who proceeded to tell Peter about the "Hookers" at the Park Place Hotel back in the day. All of these little stories to tell and remember and they are not "nothing". They are the fibers that weave together to create the beautiful tapestry that is our everything.

Friday Funnies

I took the boys to the library as an exercise in sitting still and being quiet. Mack had the kids librarian on her hands and knees for about 15 minutes searching for a book on the Incredible Hulk and Pierson was too interested in the aquarium with rubber snakes and bugs to be bothered with the likes of books. On our way out the door my purse broke. The handle just snapped and I said, quite calmly I might ad, "Well..it finally happened. Mommy's fake Burberry purse finally broke!". I shrugged my shoulders, gathered my belongings that had fallen out of the purse and forged on. Mack then says to me:

Mack: Maybe it's time for you to get a new purse.
Me: Oh, no buddy. I have lots of purses at home. It's ok.
Mack: Well I saw one tv that they've come out with this new kind of purse. It's for people who are blind.
Me: (at this point intrigued but also making a mental note to limit his television viewing time) "Really..for people who are blind?"
Mack: Well..not really for people who are blind but for people who can't see things in their purse (mental note #2..review what being blind really means) because it's too messy. It's a new purse to help you be better organized.
Boy, does this kid know me or what! My purse is a nightmare and is in need of some organization.

We have started the most enjoyable process of potty training Pierson. So far, big brother Mack is much more interested in the exercises in futility that I have come up with. While Pierson won't sit on the potty he will at least humor me enough to stand on a stool "big boy style" and attempt to go. We have already made up a few songs and tried a few tricks but so far, no dice. I saved a bag of stale Apple Jacks and I throw one in the toilet and tell him to pee on the cereal. He thinks this is funny and likes to talk about it but has yet to actually release pee from his body. Mack on the other hand, boy is his aim improving! I think I found a way to keep those mysterious dried puddles of urine off the back of the toilet. Our other trick is letting Pierson flush his poop after he goes in the diaper. If it's a "flusher" I gingerly "release" it from the diaper into the toilet and from this fun activity came this exchange:
Pierson: Mama, let's flush it!
Me: Ok, buddy come on...let's go flush it.
Pierson: I'll stand over here so it doesn't splash my socks.
Me: Oh..I won't let it splash your socks. It's ok
Mack: I'll flush it! I want to flush it!
Pierson: No! I want to flush it! Me flush it!
Mack and Pierson vie for good flushing position and banter back and forth for a few seconds
Me: Oh, Mack. It's his poop..let him flush it!
Pierson: Yeah, Mack! It's my poop!
Me: Sigh

After returning from a night of swimming at an area hotel Mack announced proudly to dad..
"I even swam in the deep end and I didn't drown!"

Pierson came home from daycare with a scooby doo sticker on his shirt. He loved it and was very sad when he noticed at the dinner table that it was missing.
Pierson: Oh no! My Scooby sticker.
Mom: Uh, oh..it must have come off while we were playing. We will find it.
Mack: Unless we have a fire tonight and it burns up in the fire.
Mom: Mack!! Don't say that. We are not going to have a fire. Don't say that..you'll scare him!
Mack: I'm just sayin'..if we have a fire tonight and it's still missing..it will burn up in the fire. I'm just saying it could happen.
This isn't really as funny as it is alarming. This is SO my child!

That's all folks! Have a great weekend!
xoxo

Hello Old Friend..Goodbye Productivity

While doing a little spring cleaning I came across a prized possession of mine that I had just recently even noticed I was missing. When I say "missing" what I really mean is I knew it was gone but I hadn't thought about it in years so it was missing but I didn't realize I cared. I pulled a paper shopping bag off the top shelf of our upstairs closet. I peered inside and found a bunch of old photos. As I pulled the photos boxes out of the bag, there it was. I felt like Charlie when he unwrapped the golden ticket. It was my Gameboy, circa 1995.


It was a Christmas gift from Peter the first year we were dating. Now before you vote him off the island for the weirdest Christmas gift to give a girlfriend, let me explain. I was leaving the next day for a family vacation to Mexico. He thought I would have fun playing it on the airplane. He also thought I would need a lot of batteries. When he handed me the box of batteries I noticed another small box attached to them and lo and behold, the boy had bought me a ring! It was a lovely little gold ring with a single ruby in the middle and a small diamond on either side. I loved it! But guess what! I loved that Gameboy even more.

I became an addict. I played it all the time, I even skipped a class once because I had the highest score of my life and there was no way I was turning it off or handing it off to someone else to finish. It went places with me; vacations, trips home to Michigan, doctor's appointments. Sadly, it even escorted me to my graduation from College. I vividly recall sitting there during the commencement ceremony taking turns with another graduate seeing who could get the highest score at Tetris.

Old habits die hard. Since coming back into my life last Saturday, Gameboy and I have rekindled an old flame. Not only did it still work but the batteries were still good. I have picked up where I left off. But now it's different. I'm a mother now. I'm supposed to be using my free time a little more wisely. Take today for example. I was home with both boys and had just put Pierson down for his rest time. I had plans to take Mack to meet up with some friends at a local hotel to swim for a Spring Break treat. He decided to go ahead a little early with Rebecca and her kids so I suddenly found myself alone with a good 2 hours to spare. I got the lunch dishes put into the dishwasher and decided to do a little work on the computer. I finished that and with a good hour and a half to go before I had to get Pierson up and head to the hotel, I decided to jump in the shower. But then I saw it. It was staring at me from the edge of the kitchen counter. I decided to play one game. Before I knew it that one game had turned into God only knows how many but I kept trying to beat my high score and just couldn't put the thing down. 30 minutes later, I was disgusted with myself and finally shut it off. That was 30 minutes I will never get back. I was alone in my house (except for the sleeping child) and had plenty of productive things that could have kept me busy and left me feeling much more satisfied. Like a true addict lured back by temptation, I had hit my low and felt like crap.

Like I said, it's different now. I am a mom. I have no business playing gameboy. Maybe I need to have Peter hide it from me and treat me like the child I become in its presence and only allow me playing privileges when I have been a good girl and earned it. Maybe I can teach Mack how to play Tetris and we can play a two player game and then it will be justified. Maybe I just need to misplace it for another 5 years. I will move on. I will survive. I will find something else to waste my time doing. I have an addictive personality, mostly harmless thank goodness. Ask me about my obsession with scratch off lottery tickets sometime.

The Way I'm Wired

I woke up this morning a little late. It's spring break after all and even though I did have to go to work today, I just didn't feel like I was in too much of a hurry to get there. Mack came in around 7:30 armed with two blankets and an armful of his "super hero squad" guys and offered a sweet "Good Morning Mama". We snuggled for a few minutes and I finally got up to put a movie on for him and to get myself to the shower. I walked into the living room and stopped dead in my tracks. Outside my window Mother Nature was playing a nasty little April Fool's joke; It was SNOWING!!! Now I know I have already ranted about the weather in a previous post but come on, it's April now. I could finally see a little patch of what used to be grass in my back yard. That little patch is now covered with a fresh, although thin, layer of snow. I was determined to not let it beat me. I was not going to be dragged down by the site of this. I announced in a rather forced cheerful voice "Oh for heaven's sake..look out there! It's snowing!". Mack, completely unfazed repeated his request for his Spiderman movie.

10 days from now I will be on an airplane heading to Sunny California. I will meet up with my mom in San Diego where we will spend the night, before taking a bus the following morning to the mountains of Northern Mexico and to a fabulous place called Rancho La Puerta. 10 days from now I will on my way to warmth. I will be on my way to a week of health; as much exercise as I want and gourmet "good for you" food cooked for me. 10 days from now I will be on my way to serious Mommy guilt. Now before you say anything, I know it's fine, I know they will all be ok, and I know I deserve this. But all of this "knowing" doesn't make me feel any less guilty about leaving them. It's the way I'm wired. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who is a fantastic father and will, no doubt, hold down the fort just fine. This is where the guilt of leaving them turns into something else: the knowledge that things will run just fine in my absence. That they don't need me to operate on a daily basis. I'm a reasonable person though, secure enough in my motherhood, and I know that while they may not "need" me, they do want me and I know they will greet me with open arms upon my return.

This will be a trip to remember for me; a serious memory making adventure for me and my mom. We have not traveled together, just the two of us, since 1996 when we went to Mexico together during my Spring Break from college. Our lives have changed so much since then, mine especially since I am now a wife and mother myself. She has been to Rancho La Puerta before and has dreamed of taking her daughters back with her someday. I could not be more grateful to have the opportunity to visit such a special place but also to visit there with such a special person.