The Way I'm Wired

I woke up this morning a little late. It's spring break after all and even though I did have to go to work today, I just didn't feel like I was in too much of a hurry to get there. Mack came in around 7:30 armed with two blankets and an armful of his "super hero squad" guys and offered a sweet "Good Morning Mama". We snuggled for a few minutes and I finally got up to put a movie on for him and to get myself to the shower. I walked into the living room and stopped dead in my tracks. Outside my window Mother Nature was playing a nasty little April Fool's joke; It was SNOWING!!! Now I know I have already ranted about the weather in a previous post but come on, it's April now. I could finally see a little patch of what used to be grass in my back yard. That little patch is now covered with a fresh, although thin, layer of snow. I was determined to not let it beat me. I was not going to be dragged down by the site of this. I announced in a rather forced cheerful voice "Oh for heaven's sake..look out there! It's snowing!". Mack, completely unfazed repeated his request for his Spiderman movie.

10 days from now I will be on an airplane heading to Sunny California. I will meet up with my mom in San Diego where we will spend the night, before taking a bus the following morning to the mountains of Northern Mexico and to a fabulous place called Rancho La Puerta. 10 days from now I will on my way to warmth. I will be on my way to a week of health; as much exercise as I want and gourmet "good for you" food cooked for me. 10 days from now I will be on my way to serious Mommy guilt. Now before you say anything, I know it's fine, I know they will all be ok, and I know I deserve this. But all of this "knowing" doesn't make me feel any less guilty about leaving them. It's the way I'm wired. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who is a fantastic father and will, no doubt, hold down the fort just fine. This is where the guilt of leaving them turns into something else: the knowledge that things will run just fine in my absence. That they don't need me to operate on a daily basis. I'm a reasonable person though, secure enough in my motherhood, and I know that while they may not "need" me, they do want me and I know they will greet me with open arms upon my return.

This will be a trip to remember for me; a serious memory making adventure for me and my mom. We have not traveled together, just the two of us, since 1996 when we went to Mexico together during my Spring Break from college. Our lives have changed so much since then, mine especially since I am now a wife and mother myself. She has been to Rancho La Puerta before and has dreamed of taking her daughters back with her someday. I could not be more grateful to have the opportunity to visit such a special place but also to visit there with such a special person.