Holy Camole!! Where do I even begin? The last time I wrote was the week before school started. Here we are now, at the end of Spring Break. I think it might be time I get back at it! So much has happened during these 7 months that I truly don't know where to start!
Let's see, one year ago I wrote about getting out of town. I was about to leave for 10 days away from my family. I went to Rancho La Puerta with my mom and had the time of my life, exercising, eating well and simply relaxing. I sit at my kitchen counter typing away today, one year later, having just sent my husband off to Virginia to spend a few days with his parents. He was supposed to leave today on a golf trip with some buddies. He gets invited on this trip every year but never goes due to scheduling or financial issues. This was his year. Until his dad was diagnosed with cancer. A few phone calls later he rearranged his plans to be with his parents instead. The diagnosis has been pretty confusing and the course of treatment changes every day but Radiation treatments finally started yesterday and will continue for 4-6 weeks. We are hopeful that the prognosis is good.
I'm so proud of Peter for choosing to go home. His parents need him right now. To many people it's a no brainer that he made the decision that he did, to go home instead of on his golf trip. It doesn't mean that it was an easy decision. Peter knew immediately after hearing about his father that he would change his plans. But it's no surprise, being human and all, that he would also suffer a twinge of disappointment for having to cancel his trip. I feel bad for him. He works his tail off and rarely is rewarded with something fun, just for him. He is such a compassionate person who puts everyone else first that I have to wonder, at what point will he break? How much can one person take before it all catches up? He has a family whom he puts at the top of his priority list but also runs a Hospital and that kind of job can't be put on hold. It doesn't wait. Life doesn't wait. Add to that the concern for his father and I can only imagine how his brain, not to mention his heart, must be full of anxiety. Say a prayer for him, and his family if you think of it. They can use it!
In the mean time, something interesting happened to me at Meijer the other night. I was walking into the store around 7:00 pm, talking to my dad on my cell phone, when a man probably in his late 20's walked up to me and interrupted my phone conversation saying "Can I ask you a question? It will be quick!" So I asked my dad to hang on and gave this man my attention. "I am about $6 shy of being able to pay for my prescription, do you think you can help me out?" I will admit, I was surprised! This is not what I would expect to happen outside of Meijer in Traverse City. I was immediately uncomfortable. I did not lie to him. I explained that I had no cash and that I only had a debit card and I'm sorry, I cannot help you. He looked crestfallen, sort of like I was his last chance. I felt bad but I walked into the store and told my dad, sill hanging on the line what had just happened. His first reaction was "Yeah! Right!". I wasn't so sure that I didn't believe him but I was uncomfortable none the less. I tried to go about my business but this incident stuck with me. I had made it thru the produce section when I looked back toward the front door and saw this guy still out there, soliciting other people for "help". I decided it was inappropriate and I told an employee so that they could decide for themselves if this was against some "Meijer Law". He was gone the next time I looked. Either he found someone to give him money or Meijer asked him to leave.
I needed to put this out there and find out what you would have done had you been in my shoes. I was talking about this with some friends over dinner a couple of nights later. The other gentleman at the table brought politics into it and said "To show you how democratic I am..here is what I would have done! I would have walked him back to the pharmacy and if he truly had a prescription to be picked up, I would have paid for it. If he did not, I would have told him 'Shame on you.." He went on about how there are people out there who cannot pay for their prescriptions and truly do need the help. I understand that but as his counterpart pointed out, there are programs for that. I was left thinking about all the ways the situation could have been handled and did the way I handled it make me somehow less compassionate? The guy wanted $6. I was pretty sure he wasn't going to go buy drugs or alcohol with it. He did not appear to be homeless or like he was on some kind of bender. He clothes were clean, he was shaven and he didn't look all that different from some of my own friends. The bottom line for me, I was uncomfortable with the ease in which he was outside of a busy store asking me, a total stranger to pay for something for him. And I don't know that it was easy for him, I don't know anything about him or what prescription he needed, or if it was for him or for his wife or child or parent or what? The reason I don't know these things is because I don't know him. And since I don't know him, why would I make his problem, my problem? This is where I struggle. I hate how that sounds. I hate that it makes me sound mean, uncaring and unable to be bothered with this man and his troubles. I hate that I believe on one hand that, yes..one person can make a different and yes, one vote really does count, but then I turn around and believe that I am only one person, a person with her own issues and problems and I cannot solve the world's as well and I certainly can't give money to every person who asks for it. So where does that leave me? If my friend says so clearly that his solution to my Meijer problem shows just "how democratic he is", does that mean the decision I made shows just how one sided, or "Republican" I am? And how did this conversation become political anyway?
What would you have done? No judging..just tell me because I am so intrigued to hear the different ways that people would have handled this situation.
Til then,
K
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2 comments:
Yeah- I was so excited to see your post! I almost cried reading about Peter- he obviously is a hard working compassionate man and undoubtedly is blessed to have such an amazing women at his side- this is why I would seem to think that he has not burst yet. You two make an amazing team and therefore all of life's responsibilities are manageable and all of life's rewards are cherished.
In regards to your Meijer situation and your inquiry for our reaction if we were in the same circumstance- I can honestly say that I would have most likely done the same thing. The fact that you were on the phone for starters, tells me there was no respect for appropriate timing to ask for this type of help. It is hard to know if his intentions were genuine in such a short exposure, but you have to trust your instincts, and I think this time you were right to do what you did and you should trust that you made the right decision. So OK, in that moment you didn't give him the money, maybe he was meant to get help from someone else, maybe the fact that he remained there even after you said no, and no one else was willing to give him the money shows that your instincts were right on. The past is the past though, you can't change how you handled this particular situation, all you can do is move forward and use this experience as an opportunity to create a personal action plan for any other instance similar to this one that arises in your future. I don't feel bad to say that I would have done the same thing most likely if I didn't have cash- something about the situation just seemed strange. If I had cash then I might have handled it in a slightly different way, but regardless I would still follow my instincts and intuitions no matter what. :)
Steph..thanks for giving me your thoughts. I appreciate that you took the time to write so much! And this is still on my mind but you are right..it's in the past and time to move forward. Thanks! :)
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